I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
