I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
