so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
