he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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