did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize