I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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