Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
