so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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