What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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