It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
