okay pat passed out under dana's car
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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