Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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