He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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