Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
