Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
