Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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