dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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