remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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