before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can you bring me the toilet please
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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