it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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