I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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