First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
