omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
