This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
