I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
