im drinking this country out of the recession.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
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I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
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Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.