toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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