Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.