My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.