I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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