Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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