I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
