Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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