a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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