And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
