Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I smell like Dick and happiness
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