I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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