Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
