So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
