My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
