saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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