so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
