Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just forgot I was standing up.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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