is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
