I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
