Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
