wake up i wanna do it froggy style
someone owes me an orgasm
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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