I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
