I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
