just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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