Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
