I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
