I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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