I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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