Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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