I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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