Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
