Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
