Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
