We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
