Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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