Midget sex pt 2 tonight
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
