So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
