some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
