if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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