McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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