Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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