If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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