thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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