Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
