Your mouth is God's brothel.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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