so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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